Kim Jong-Un threatens to nuke Darwin; Australians try to determine if they care

Kim Jong Un has threatened Australia, saying that he will nuke Darwin if Malcolm Turnbull doesn’t stop criticising North Korea. Australians were shocked this morning when they woke up to discover that Kim had threatened to attack Darwin as a show of strength. Even Malcolm Turnbull had nothing to say about one of the greatest threats to (northern) Australia’s safety of all time. What Australians found even more shocking was their struggle to determine if they gave a crap. Some Aussies may have to be reminded that Darwin is actually a part of Australia, other than when it gives Perth a city to be ranked above in ‘Australia’s Best Cities’ lists. As is shown by a recent report from the government, any potential nuclear attack from North Korea still falls well outside the Australian Area of Concern. It wouldn’t be the first time Darwin came under attack in a global conflict. Most people forget that Darwin suffered a massive bombing attack in World War II comparable to Pearl Harbour, but that could just be because there wasn’t a movie made about it starring Ben Affleck. The nation as a whole has struggled to muster sympathy about the plight of the Darwinians. It was the third story on Sunrise this morning, with Kochie and Sam choosing to prioritise the ground breaking new “all frozen food” diet, and another sighting of the Tasmanian tiger in eastern Victoria.