Top 5 places to boink on campus
This list was written by a former physics student (physics students fuck)
5) Nowhere. You should be respecting the place you spend thousands of dollars per semester to study at, an institution that was around before your parents were born, before your grandparents were born, a place around before computers, telephones. It’s a place of memories, of geniuses who have walked the same floors you have, Barry J Marshall, Bob Hawke.. .people who will live in Australia’s memory forever. And you want to have sex on those same grounds? Shame on you and everything that you are and stand for.
4) Middle of Oak Lawn babyyyyyy.
3) If you’re an art student, you ought to do your due diligence of wasting Chakma’s double-dipped salary by doing it on the cobwebbed windowsill of the arts lecture room that resembles a primary school languages classroom. If you’re a fine arts major, you should use that degree to do something actually useful by crafting a handmade valentine’s card made with the dexterity of the fingers that will be clicking to open the email of your employment rejection. Hell, if you’re a communications major, maybe you can seal the deal by communicating the words ‘I love you’ once you finish your 30-second cardio sesh.
2) In the Circle at Reid. Engineering students are too busy discussing the spin girly pop bounce slap of a proton in an attempt to assert dominance (this is how they attract mates) to notice you experience unthinkable pleasures. Business majors may even come to watch since it’d be the most interesting thing they’d be consuming since they watched their crypto investments plummet to $0.
1) If you’ve made it this far, that’s a good indicator that you simply never get any. Fret not, however, as now your sci-fi fantasies can become science-reality in the first-year physics lab room. Use a 337 nm Class 3B ultraviolet laser to blind your partner so they don’t have to see your face, supercollide with your partner and explode everywhere, or orgasm with just the mere thought of how much better than arts students you are. This is literally where all of the PROSH committee members were conceived and look how successful they’ve all turned out to be.